Rasha
In 1998 I was destined to be engaged to my cousin, I was a Palestinian refugee living in Jordan and my husband was a Palestinian refugee living in Palestine.
I remember how happy my husband was, after we got engaged, he went back to Palestine to get our house ready, and he submitted a visitor permit for me to be able to enter Palestine. At that time, things were hard and the rules were strict regarding visiting permits to Palestine. Therefore, my husband submitted my visit permit before even deciding our wedding date. However, a short time before I get my permit, I have received bad news. The news that I consider the beginning of the destruction of our dream. It was that our small house which had been built by my husband turned into a pile of rocks, the Israelis demolished our house.
I got frustrated and at the same time I was afraid of our future. Two years later, I was one of the few lucky people who had been approved to have a visitor permit. My childhood dreams finally became true, I will visit my homeland and my village (Al-Walajah).
I remember the beautiful view, the first time I visited the village. I was mesmerized by the green lands and fresh air. The image will never fade away from my memory. This is my town which I had not been able to visit for years. It is the land where my grandfather and grandmother died and I couldn’t see them and feel their love and kindness. My grandfather’s house which my father spent his childhood in. This house that my father had told us about his adventures as a kid.
In 2000, I sat foot into Palestine, and on the 6th of August that year was my wedding day. I went back with my husband and we decided to rebuild our house. Meanwhile, I lived with my husband’s family in the same house. I remember we built it again with our bare hands. It was a hard time for us and we couldn’t do it differently, we had to build it ourselves.
Finally, after almost one year of marriage, we went to live in our own house. I was overwhelmed with happiness. I felt as if I was in my own small kingdom, but at the same time I was afraid that what happened will be repeated and all my dreams will vanish again. I did not realize, and I didn’t know that what’s coming was bigger. I didn’t have a clear idea about the rules which the Israelis put regarding this land.
The owners of this land didn’t have any identification certificates and it was a struggle to issue one. Days went fast and I was holding my papers with my husband from one government department to another searching for myself, my identity; I had no identity.
I didn’t have a choice other than staying home, I was not able to move freely. I was living in a threat that can destroy my house and my life in case the Israelis caught me without any ID. It was huge suffering and an internal psychological fight. I spent two years trying to get an ID without any progress. Every year I hoped that my name will be among the names with the family reunion documents.
At that time, the announcement of the names with new IDs was through television on the small tape below the screen. It was a red-colored bar, I still remember the color of it because I spent days and years staring at it waiting for my name
I didn’t sleep for two days anticipating my name to appear. I thought that perhaps it might be among all the other names. Unfortunately, the first patch did not include my name, I was frustrated. I used to sleep with tears in my eyes. I was haunted with the idea of when will I be able to see my family, or go out without fear? When will I be myself? I faced a lot of hard times; my father had a stroke in his brain which puts him in the hospital. I was fighting myself to decide, do I make this decision and travel to see my father? For sure I will not be able to go back because I don’t have an ID. Moreover, I was not able to take my children with me or leave them behind. Many questions had occurred to me, for example, should I stay in my house and be patient? Problems started happening between me and my husband. I was about to explode from thinking and I hesitated to make any decision I will regret. At that time, making decisions was very hard on me, but with God’s will, my father got better. This made me feel better and it was the only reason that gave me patience.
Several months after the first batch of names was issued, the names TV bar was finally back with new names. It was early in the morning and I didn’t sleep, with hope inside me, waiting for my name. After eight years of waiting, in 2008 the name that I was waiting for is finally on the news bulletin. I couldn’t believe it! And I was scared that it was just a dream. Quickly, I woke up my husband so he can assure me that it wasn’t a dream. I was so happy. However, as soon as I got my Identity card I went to Jordan. Everything was different, the places, the streets, and even the buildings.
I expected all of this, but the only thing that I didn’t expect was that I wouldn’t recognize my sister..
When I arrived to my parents' house, a young lady came and hugged me, I looked at her and asked:
- Who are you?
This made me cry a lot. I have never expected that I will not recognize my own sister.
The last time I saw her was eight years ago. When I left, she was much younger and since then I have seen neither my parents nor my siblings.
I was surprised when I saw everyone, my mother, father, brothers and sisters, everything had changed.
We grow up and many things had changed in the way we look. However, the love of family and country remained untouched. Hope makes us hold on to life in spite of difficulties. Life is all about good days and bad days.
My happiest days were when I met my friends in a group of amazing Walajah Women. We were nine women, and with the support of the German association of KURVE Wustrow we took part in a recycling project.
It was such a magnificent experience. The project started with training us on manual machines. Accordingly, we made home gardens by recycling tires, wood, and plastics. Furthermore, our team spirit concord the place and we worked as one hand, we made work of art in our gardens .Each one of those women has her own story and a great talent,I am so proud to be one of them.
In 2016, while the training was still running with the trainer Alaa Hilu, we got trained on huge machines. At that time, my family was my biggest supporter, they also helped in designing my own garden. One day my husband got me a gift, it was a special gift, not flour neither chocolate but it was a box of tools!
I felt so happy and excited and I started applying everything I learned with those tools. I designed my home decorations and my garden, the whole family helped me. We had a lot of fun and I still remember my children’s laughter.
This box came in perfect timing and was the reason for changing my life 180 degrees.
However, one day my husband had an accident that led to a dangerous operation on his neck. Due to that, my husband couldn’t work for a long time! It was one of the worst times in my life.
This was the biggest challenge of my life. I had to hold a big responsibility which is my home, my children, and providing all their needs.
I got stronger and I started making chairs and tables with my tools. At that time, everything was such an experience and adventure for me. I tried to sell my work on the internet and I worked so hard. Today I am the owner of “Khashbatak Ya Watan” workshop which I earn my and my family’s living.
It was a stressful time and the responsibility was huge. However, at the end of the day, it paid off.
Today Al Walajah Women, lady carpenters, and I have achieved great achievements. Moreover, we have the key to success. We opened our workshop in 2018 and launched a book in Germany.
Furthermore, we trained women in other communities and shared our experiences, our thoughts, and voluntary work. Moreover, we trained another 19 women in our village and designed 19 new gardens. Now we are still continuing despite all the difficulties and occupation.
We gather every Sunday at our workshop to make a work of art that we love. This draws a smile on our faces, and takes out all the negative energy. Moreover, it encourages us to face our fears and challenge them to win big achievements.
In conclusion, we had good days and bad ones but now we have an interesting story to tell.
Number 9 is our story as Al-Walajah Women.